Yearnings

So, I have this class. It happens once a week, at night, for three hours. It's about politics and ethics, and I love it. I love the readings, I love the discussions, I love walking out of my house in the dark and the rain and going to talk philosophy for hours. There are seven of us in the class, and I have a huge crush on the professor. Part of it is erotic (I think she's very sexy) and part of it is mental (she's very smart and has an excellent personality). I divide it like that because in this case, I am very aware of the separateness of each part. I mean, usually there is an attraction to both. But in this case each feels very separate from each other. Anywaya.

I also have a crush on a cute redhead in that class. So it is a time of yearnings for me. Neither of the crushes are very pressing (and obviously having a crush on a professor is problematic), so it's a pleasant sort of ache. The conversations are highly intellectual and I see sides of these ladies I wouldn't otherwise. I guess I find it pleasant because it lets me know it's there, that desire for connection with other people, a vast empty space I want to fill. Like, I just want to sit down and chat with them for a long time. Learn about them. And if there are kisses, well, bonus. It doesn't need to be romantic, though. I just don't know how to say: "you seem interesting, let's go for a walk sometime and chat" without sounding threatening or weird. So I'll go on yearning.



sitting and chatting about politics and philosophy for hours, sneaking glances at my professor and a cute redhead, wondering what they are like all opened up and laid out, and you can take that as sexually as you want: ****